Don't be a slave to your expectations. Some of the biggest successes in life come from going with the flow and learning to adapt to, or take advantage of, what is on offer.
You tried to take a giant leap forward before you were truly ready. Don't be surprised that it wasn't completely successful. We all have to learn to walk before we can run. You're still developing, growing and learning. Growth and learning happens over time, not in a single moment. Be kind to yourself, just as a patient and caring teacher would be. You are a student of life, give yourself permission to make mistakes and progress at your own pace.
If you find yourself pretending to know what everyone else is talking about, it's time to educate yourself before things get embarrassing.